Ye Olde Drag Race

It was a cold, late winter night. CompUSA had decided to have a sale - ten percent off everything in the store. So they piled into Pappy's car to take advantage of this lapse in judgement on CompUSA's part. It was Pappy, Caniprokis, Calliander, and Wilson. Caniprokis rode in the passenger seat so he could have more leg room, leaving Wilson and Calliander to sit in the back. Wilson had his shower caddy in back with shampoo he'd never seen before, toothpaste, a toothbrush, and a monitor cable. While the car headed for the highway, Calliander annoyed Wilson about his shower caddy really being a water-smoking system, and the monitor cable being the mouthpiece. So, Wilson decided it would be a good time to brush his teeth. As Pappy coasted the car up the onramp onto the highway, Wilson brushed his teeth and spit the excess out of the window. The glop landed on the car behind Pappy... the low-rider Acura.

Scary music.

The race was on the second Pappy merged into traffic on the highway. The Acura zoomed around into the passing lane to travel with the other cars. Pappy, not realizing what was going on, moved into the passing lane as well, and the Acura began to drive very slowly. Unable to get back into the other lane and go around, Pappy had to follow the Acura and its high-school hoodlum driver and slutty girlfriend passenger. Suddenly, the chance to accelerate came and with a blinding burst of speed, Pappy flicked his blinker on to change lanes! At a blistering fifty miles per hour, he merged into the other lane and slowly began to accelerate. The Acura, however, also began to speed up!

More scary music!

Caniprokis yelled as the slutty girlfriend rolled down her window. He knew something was up. She dug her hands into her high-school hoodlum driver's change cup and scooped a few pennies out. Pappy, unaware that this was happening, tried to speed up more to get around the previously slow Acura. WHACK! The girl threw the pennies at the side of Pappy's car, and the noise was eardrum-shattering as they bounced off the plastic. Suddenly, at mind-blowing eighty miles per hour, the Acura stopped accelerating. As Caniprokis was quick to note, the pussy was afraid to speed.

Dramatic music.

Pappy had won the drag race, but as they neared CompUSA, the Acura got off an early exit and gave all of his passengers the middle finger. One day, Pappy will again race the high-school hoodlum. And when that happens, his passengers will be the ones giving the middle finger! Ha ha!