Wilson and more

Firstly, Happy Birthday for the millionth time to Pappy. I love you hunny.

Secondly, thank you to Spo for reading and responding and for the actual words that were written. I'm touched that Wilson's friends have opened up and accepted me, even if for no reason more than because Wilson loves me. Thanks. You have no idea how much that means to me and how much it does for a girl with little or no self confidence. Thanks especially to Pappy, Preacherman, and Caniprokis. I never knew there were friends out there as great as you guys all are. I began to think that I was holding my friends to standards that were just too high by expecting my best friend to decline a sexual relationship with my boyfriend and possible future husband. As it turns out however, I wasn't holding them to standards that were high enough. As a side note, I'm glad that I got rid of that boyfriend and that friend. I'm a better person now by having enough respect for myself to not deal with that.

Wait, am I making sense to anyone but myself? What I'm trying to say is thanks Spo for taking the time to read what I wrote and respond to it even though you don't really know me. It means a lot to me that you guys, all of you, are such good friends to each other and that maybe I can be a part of that.

Thirdly, Wilson, I love you so much. The tears were for happiness, not for anything else. I love you so much that it hurts. It's such a cop out, I know, but I can't think of the words to tell you how much that you mean to me and how much I love you. I'd walk to the ends of the world and back twice over for you. You're my one and only, baby, one and only. I've never known love like this before and it's incredible what I was missing. To think that some people go their whole lives without ever finding this...how tragic.

While many of you don't know me and probably don't care what I have to say, Pappy gave me the ability to post, so I'm going to. So now for my actual rant that has something to do with the title of this. Wilson has taught me so much about life and love and things that I was far too immature to know before I got to UMass and met him. He embodies the type of person that I want to be. He's real, he's honest, and he does things for me that no one else has ever done. He is loyal, I think that's the thing that amazes me the most. I think that's the thing that I had no capacity to understand before I met him.

Yes, I'm from a small town, population around 11,000. That's less that the school I go to now with a population of like 25,000 or something towards that effect. With only 11,000 people and not much to do, there is a lot of dating and sex and we run out of people so quickly that we have to double up and date families and cheat on everyone with everyone else. There is no sanctity for anything. While I was with my ex boyfriend David, I also fucked around with my friend John, his best friend Dan who is also David's cousin, David's friend Corey, my ex boyfriend Athan, and a few people here at school. While David was with me, he fucked around with his ex girlfriend Mary (the one that he cheated on with me and dumped for me), my former friend Pam (who was fucking David's best friend Dave who is now dating my best friend Ashley), Morgan (an anorexic and bulemic 4 time college drop out who can't hack beauty school), and Sarah (another one of David's ex girlfriends). That's only the ones that I know about anyhow. Like I was saying, there is no sanctity for relationships of any kind whether they be dating or friendships. I was with David for nearly 3 years and that's the way things were. It was all about cheating and pain and betrayal and I thought that's how things always ended up. To come here though and meet Wilson has changed my life. He's opened my eyes to the immense joy that FAITHFUL love can bring to you. I think I said it before, but I really mean it. To have someone that you can trust and that knows you'll be faithful is AMAZING.

"Please don't lie to me unless you're absolutely sure that I'll never find out." No, I would never lie to Wilson regardless of whether he would find out or not. Furthermore, even if there was some way that I knew he would NEVER find out, I still wouldn't lie NO MATTER WHAT. That's isn't what this is about, which is what I'm trying to say but clearly having the trouble finding the words. My relationship with Wilson is like none that I've ever had before. It's mature, it's real, it's adult, it's not about the petty bullshit. It's about an unteathered, burning love, stronger than anything I've ever felt before. It's about being able to depend on someone, but not about being dependent. It's what makes windy cold rainy February days bearable. It's what gets me through every gray day. It's what makes me everything that I want to be. It's beyond words.

I'm sorry this is such incoherent babbling. I'm not even sure if I'll post this. Thanks if you've read this far which is probably just Wilson and maybe Ass. I need to go do something productive. Love you all.