Voice from the Shadows

I like this current thread about the stupid people at the video store MUCH better than the usual "bitching and whining" that goes on here. Personally, Calliander, I liked the gas station. A nice, easy, boring job where I practically got to run the show. Plus there's the fact that I got to laugh at all the stupid people that would do stupid things there, but I won't get into that now.

Since we're talking about stupid people, I figure I'd throw in a couple little tidbits of my own. Anyone that's known me for longer than a few months knows that I've had a nice little cushy job at Bentley's library since I started here as a freshman way back in 1998 (damn, that was a long time ago). I started out as "Circulation Assistant" and after my first year, got promoted to the elite title of "Senior Circulation Assistant", which is a glorious title bestowed upon only the very best student workers of the library. Ah, hell. All it means is that I get work a "Close The Library" shift (8pm to midnight) once a week and I get to tell non-senior assistants what to do.

Stupid people at the library generally come in disguise at first. A typical patron will look up a book or periodical or something on our electronic card catalog (we use the paper card catalog for scrap paper now), print out the information and bring it to the circulation counter. "Can you tell me where I can find this book, please?" is something that a usual patron will ask myself or one of my co-workers. "Sure, that book is upstairs/downstairs." is the usual reply from myself or one of my co-workers. Usually, this will make the person go away to find their book that they need to finish their term paper at the last minute. Occasionally, though, after telling someone where their book/periodical/etc. is, I'll get this: "How do I get there?" Um, excuse me? You want me to tell you how to get downstairs, is that right? How silly of me, I forgot. We don't use stairs and elevators in this building to get between floors. We have magic teleporters in the bathrooms that let you warp between floors. IDIOTS! There's big blue signs marking the 4 or 5 staircases/elevators EVERYWHERE! I wonder how people like that survive past 3 years of age. This post is starting to be kind of long, so I'll just make quick summaries of some of the other stupids.

"Where can I find this textbook?" I'm sorry, in an ideal world, I'd also like to get my textbooks for free, but if we kept them all here, then the bookstore would go out of business (which would be fine with me, but still). You may find an old edition (circa 1965) downstairs or something, but I can't promise you. "How do I get downstairs?" See above.

"I left a disk here last night. It's black." *Drops the lost-and-found box FULL of black diskettes on the desk* Here you go. Take as many as you want.

We have 6 laptops that patrons may check out for 3 hour use in the library only. "Can I check out a laptop?" Sure. *Brings a laptop* "No, all my work is on laptop #(insert number here), I want that one." I'm sorry, where does it say in this "Usage Agreement Form" that these turn into your personal computers?Start saving your work on a disk. "I lost my disk." See above.

We also have a "webnet consortium" with 3 other libraries in the area. If we don't have a book, we can order it for a patron from one of the other three. "I'd like to request this book from Babson/Regis/Pine Manor, please." Sure thing. *Examines the printout from web catalog* Okay, see over here where it says this book is missing/lost/damaged/checked out to someone already? You can only get it if it says "Stacks", meaning the book is in, you got it, the stacks. "But I have a paper due tomorrow, and I need the book!" Oh, heavens! Even if the book WAS available, it takes 2 to 3 days to get it from another school. Good luck on that paper, though.

Finally, there's the joys of trying to close the library at midnight. This time is extended until 1am during finals weeks to allow people to study a little more. I always get a few people, though, especially during finals. "What time do you close?" Even though they don't see the big board behind them with the hours, I'm nice and tell them anyway. "Oh, really? Okay." And these are the people that me or my minions (students who work with me on my night shift who aren't senior assistants) have to personally chase out of the library at closing time. You know, since me TELLING them the closing time AND the LOUD "we're about to close" bells aren't enough to clue them in to the fact that they're supposed to leave. I'm sorry, even though I know your studies are important, we have lives too and can't keep this damn place open all night just for you. Good night. Bah, I love my job. :)

So Speaks The Gatekeeper...So It Shall Be!