Trouble Sleeping
It's nearly four o'clock in the morning now and I'm unable to sleep. Usually, my remedy for sleeplessness is to read something. So, I tried reading my current flavor for a half hour. Nothing. I rented this movie "Cheaters" on a whim and watched that. Still not tired. So I figured that maybe I should find out why I can't sleep. Well, I work with our good friend, The Commie. And tonight I'd mentioned something that another coworker of ours, I'll call her WeezerChick (Pappy knows her), had said. And The Commie, being the great friend that she is, said to me, "Aww... You like WeezerChick!" accusingly. After the disaster involving Honey Modems (thanks for the name, Peps), I'd decided to lay low for a while, so I wasn't really thinking about anything like that... or so I thought. But I said exactly what I was thinking - that yeah, she's a cool girl. But again, that great friend The Commie accusingly told me that I like her in that way. So I gave some thought to that, coming to the conclusion that the Honey Modems thing kind of put me off, which it did. None of the chicks I like ever like me. I could have all kinds of fat, ugly chicks with no lives, but no... I've gotta be picky.
But I guess that our good friend The Commie was right, in a way. Maybe I do like her like that. But it got me thinking along the whole relationship line and now I'm even worse off than I was before I'd decided to figure out why I couldn't sleep. Now I feel like Lio, like writing some long thing about my frustrations. But I don't do that. I don't usually get that serious, you know? I can, for the most part, brush most shit off as inconsequential or funny. I'll write a long rant on here bitching at some conservative asshole I saw on TV, but that's not a personal gripe, you know? I can't seriously complain about myself. Maybe that's because I don't feel like burdening someone with some extra baggage they don't need. Not that I'm trying to say Lio does that, but that's what I feel I'd be doing if I were to start listing my problems. I can joke and say something like, "Fuckin' shit, I'm lazy as sin." But I can't seriously complain about why I find myself so. Fuck.
So I'm feeling a little down right now. I don't get upset or depressed, just down. I'm not my uplifted, usual self at the moment. It's a weird feeling. Doesn't happen often. But yeah, even if I do like WeezerChick in that way, she's got the whole boyfriend thing going anyway, and then there's that whole thing about women not liking me. The Commie said I need to cry more. But in order for that to work you have to have that manly poise some guys have. I don't look very manly so if I were to cry, I'd just look like some sissy crying about his favorite emo band breaking up or something. I mean, granted, the girl's boyfriend is probably a dunce and she's only with him because she doesn't know anything else (isn't that always the case?), but that doesn't make me seem any better a model to a girl. Ffeh.
Well, at least all this writing about my down-time has made me a bit tired. I think I'll try to get some shuteye. Good night.
