TEH KINGZ0R IZ DED! LONG L1VE TEH KING!!!

Allow me to introduce myself. I am who am. My imminent carnival of chaos, whoreley thoughts and insane ideas shall be unwound.

Happy anniversary, Insult.

I would like to rant about an ongoing problem with the fucktards over at Apple Computer. I don't mean the marketing people, or the CEO's or anyone like that. I mean the deadweight engineers they have doing the tech assist program. These sycophantic dim-wits can't read and simply type the words that their supervisors program into them. They are supposed to be there for support when an Apple technician has hit a wall whilst attempting to fix a machine.

So the other day a customer dropped off a machine with the following reported problem on their 15-inch FlatPanel iMac: Slow internet. The guy was complaining that it took him like fifteen minutes to upload a small image. As an Apple Tech, the first thing to do is gather information about the problem. Has the customer had this problem before? Does anything else not work properly? How long has the problem been occurring? Does the customer have any peripherals plugged in? What OS does the customer use? How much RAM? Blah, blah, blah.

So this is the guy's only problem. I take it in back, plug it in, and the damned thing connects to our network just fine and I copy some stuff to it from my machine. However, when I went to copy the data back to my machine, bam: we're talking transfer speed of a 2400 baud modem. Usually, in instances like this, the DSP (digital signal processor, on the logic board) is at fault. You connect via the machine's modem (if it has one), just to verify, then you replace the logic board. I like to be thorough, so I verified that it wasn't the software and then ordered the board. When the replacement logic board arrived, though, it didn't fix the problem.

First, I checked Apple's service manual for the iMac and then their Knowledge Base to no avail. I then consulted with the other technician at my shop and ran some more tests - tried a different hard drive, tried without the optical drive plugged in, even tried it with the display's backlight connector and the sound disconnected. In the meantime, I sent an e-mail to Apple's Tech Assist people describing the problem and the steps I had taken.

The dolt replies back telling me about the DSP, general troubleshooting steps, and then says, "If your troubleshooting fails, then your next step would be to replace the logic board." In the process of describing the problem, I told the dickhead that I had already replaced the logic board. I told him of all the troubleshooting steps that I took. Why the hell was he telling me this stuff again? Did he only look at the part about "slow internet speed"?

So I fire another e-mail back to this shit-for-brains, explaining the obvious to him in detail. He responds back with yet more unhelpful, cookie-cutter fluff and doesn't give any suggestions as to where to go. My most recent e-mail yielded yet another dismal attempt at communication from these donkey-raping shit-eaters. Why is Apple hiring these schmoes!? What's going on?

Sorry for the rant, but hey - journal. :P

Knaa'mean?