Retrospecticus Vol. II

Tonight I cover my sophomore year of high school, 1995 - 1996. This was probably the best and most promising time of my high school era. I was slowly gaining friends, my family's finances were still in very good terms... and I had my first few girlfriends.

I should start at the beginning. During Freshman year while riding the bus home I'd befriended 2 girls, I'll call them Jujie and Ishelleymay. They were friends, and were slightly off kilter, just like me. From the beginning I had a major crush on Ishelleymay, but this being the case I never said anything at all. Anyhoo, during the beginning of sophomore year I'd gotten pretty chummy with these two and Jujie invited me to her Halloween party. I accepted, and of course being the Halloween worshipper I am, I dressed for the occasion. I went to the party in full medieval scottish regailia, including 4 foot broadsword. I walked in, and looked around. Jujie was the only one dressed for Halloween. So here I was in a skirt. In a room full of strangers. But you know what, it didn't matter... the room was packed with so many freaks geeks and weirdos that a six and a half foot tall guy who looked like he just stepped out of "Braveheart" really wasn't that out of place. They all accepted me. I thought to myself, "This is awesome, my old friends would have crucified me for this." over the course of that night I met some people that would become pretty good friends, including a girl I'll call Drunkenwhorebag. What can I say about Drunkenwhorebag... well for one she was helluvafine. Nice boobies, fantastic ass, beautiful face... and what was more interesting... she seemed to be flirting with me. Suffice it to say I completely forgot about Ishelleymay after that. We'll come back to this later.

Also that year was the beginnings of the Filth Hole. Back when I was in sopomore year $2000 Christmasses were not uncommon to me. That year I was getting a phat home theater set up, to compliment the LaserDisc player I got the year before. The question was where to put it? I was currently occupying two bed rooms up stairs. One was my sleeping room, the other was my play room. Now, I couldn't put it in either room, because the subwoofer was so loud I could probably blow a whole in the wall with it if I wanted to, and that wouldn't really sit well with my mother who goes to bed at 3pm. But, long ago Bean proposed something to me. "Hey wouldn't it be cool if you're parents let you have the family room as your bedroom?" Now, just a note on the family room. Prior to it's existence as the Filth Hole, it was known as the family room. For those of you who have not been there, it's a nice room with a wet bar, a fire place an some nice wood paneling. This room was the main reason why my father bought the house. Unfortunately, those of you who have been there in the winter months know that it is extremely cold in the winter, and was only occupied during the summertime. So I asked my father, since no one uses the family room, could i move my room there. Low and behold, he said yes and the Filth Hole was born. To celebrate I had a party for New Years. Stone, Calliander, Pappy, Bean, Qava, Peps and others were there...it was a good time. This was also the night Stone introduced me to RPG's, if only the character creation process. My parents were gone, and we partied like only 10th grade geeks do, with pizza and video games. It was a taste of things to come.

A few weeks past and it was time again for one of Jujie's parties. Same people were there, Drunkenwhorebag flirted with me some more... Nothing really changed. But it was a good time. And I got to hang out with Jujie and Ishelleymay some more, who were both now, really close friends.

That party laid the ground work for the single weirdest, and social life changing day I've ever had. But first i have to launch into an explanation of of the outcasts of Branford High. You see, since the popular kids were such arrogant elitist pricks, there were A LOT of outcasts. Below us were the yohanns. The yohanns were useless wastes of flesh. They weren't handsome or charismatic or rich enough to be popular and they weren't smart enough to be geeks. A lot of these kids raised their social standards by becoming gearheads or assorted other white trash. We were the geeks/dorks. We may have been low on the social ladder but we knew were better than most people in the school, and we were tight. Then you had the popular freaks. Now these were kids who'd gained respect by being so odd/talented/unique/etc. that the popular kids were forced to recognize them. I felt a burning need in my soul to be accepted by this group. I was friends with a few of them. Ishelleymay was a core member, and the group bitch, Mushmouth, was on friendly terms with me. But there was one fatal flaw, that I felt would never allow me to be accepted. In eighth grade I had a silly schoolboy infatuation with a girl I'll call Hera. Hera was one of the first few freaks in our school system. She had purple hair and always wore skirts. Anyway, I found out from the grapevine that Hera knew I liked her. And since my middle school crush, [K] (She doesn't even deserve a witty nickname.), had destroyed my selfimage, I felt I could never speak or make eye contact with her again. Now, Hera was not in this group. She'd been sent to Horizons(see retrospecticus vol. I) and was completly removed from my presence. But, her brother, Caasi, was in this group, and I feared he knew too, and would laugh at me and/or embarrass me in front of everyone.

So, that being said, you can imagine my surprise when I was beckoned to their table by Ishelleymay, and Big Boobs McGee. I knew Big Boobs because she went out with Stone for like five minutes before ditching him, and she was arguably one of the hottest women I've seen in real life. They told me they wanted to do my hair and makeup... I said sure why not? They put berrets in my hair, and made me the ugliest woman you'd ever seen. However this was a great icebreaker for meeting the popular freaks. Things went so well they invited me to Kino, their pretentious film study group, that was really nothing more than a school funded excuse to go to the center of town and get chinese food.

It was at this little freak revelry that I met her. The Demon Queen. At first she seemed perfectly nice. She was going out with Mushmouth at the time, which completely bewildered me. How did this tool have a cute girlfriend, and I have nothing? I had to strike up a conversation with them. As I said, I was friends with Mushmouth so I started talking to him, then I turned to the Demon Queen. "So... you're [Mushmouth]'s bitch?" She quickly replied "No, he's my bitch." Ooooh... this she was a slick one. I was very impressed by her. I started talking on the phone with her and a girl I'll call LipSchtick. They were rarely seen seperately, much like me and calliander.

In the middle of all these events Calliander and I went on a Cruise to the Carribean. While in Venezuela Calliander ate what my parents swore was monkey. Ah well... he loved it. We met a pretty cool guy named Judd there. He was from Connecticut to. We hung out alot during the cruise and parted ways afterwards. All in all it was fucking phat and i walked away from the cruise with fifty bucks of my spending cash.

With that cash I bought a bunch of CDs... amongst them was Tori Amos' "Boys For Pele", The greatest record I've heard in my life. Her music and voice captivated me and made me a fanatic to this day.

Once I got back stateside I continued speaking with Demon Queen and LipSchtick. I thought Demon Queen was hot, but Lip Schtick was also pretty cool too. She was a hefty chick at the time, but who am I to be picky about weight, plus she had beautiful eyes. More and more I was speaking with her. Until one night LipSchtick's older brother barged on the phone and was like "Are you two going out or what?" Well, I'd certainly enjoyed talking to LipSchtick, and even though she was not what I was looking for physically, she definately had the whole dark cynic thing going which I dug. I said "I don't know, are we?" She said "I dunno, wanna?" "Ok, cool." So began my first relationship with a girl. It lasted one week. After the first two days I started to feel trapped. That week I'd gotten tickets to the Tori Amos concert that was happening in april of that year. I thought would I have more fun if I took my girlfried, or if I took Bleaker(Who was allowed to have contact with me now, and surprisingly enough in the time I wasn't talking to her, had developed quite a Tori Amos infatuation of her own) The answer was clear, I had to break it off with LipShtick. Then one night she started questioning how I felt about her, and I panicked, and broke it off with her... only one week after things had started. Heheh, it was really childish. A shame to... she wound up losing a lot of weight, and last summer I was trying to get with her.

In May of that year something very cool and unexpected happened, Jujie got her liscense. One night I got a phone call from Jujie... "Hey [Lio], [Drunkenwhorebag] and I are out cruising around, wanna come with us?" I said sure, and the rest was history. This was the first of many cruising sessions the three of us had, each time I went I fell deeper and deeper in love with Drunkenwhorebag. Screw LipSchtick, SCREW THE DEMON QUEEN, I was too mature for them, Drunkenwhorebag was where it was at! And all signs pointed to the idea that she liked me.

While hanging out at the Branford Festival with Jujie and Drunkenwhorebag, my lovelife took another interesting turn. I was a tad dismayed, since Drunkenwhorebag had gotten a boyfriend, but he was cool, and he got the LioConvoy stamp of approval. That night at the festival I met Burger Bob. Burger Bob was a female friend of Jujie's who worked at Burger King. There was nothing wrong with her physically, she wasn't fat, so my weight aversion didn't affect how I looked at her, but she spoke in this annoying high pitched tone of voice. When she spoke she'd usually talk about nothing for hours on end. But Jujie and Drunkenwhorebag saw a possible love connection between us, and we eventually hooked up. But something was wrong. I started feeling trapped almost immediately once again. I'd spend hours on the phone with her talking about nothing at all. This wasn't working. We tried to make it work. We went on a date to see "Independence Day", and another time we made out in the backwoods of Branford point late at night, but all in all... I just didn't feel anything. Plus I was still in love with Drunkenwhorebag. Then one night, the straw that broke the camel's back. Another Tori Amos concert was coming to CT, and I thought to myself once again, "Would I have more fun taking my girlfriend to see Tori Amos, Or would I have more fun taking Bleaker" The answer was clear. I had to end things with Burger Bob.

Now, you have to understand something about me. I hate to be seen as a cock. Whenever I break up with a girl, it's usually for a dickish reason. But I don't want the girl to see me as a dick. So, I find some way of blaming the break up on the girl. Let's see... This girl is nice, but a bore to talk to. I decided that I would break up with Burger Bob siting that between her duties at Burger King, and her AP classes, she'd never have anytime for me, and that we should temporarily break it off and see how things go. I didn't talk to her for a year after that.

Well, that pretty much does it for this installment. It was much longer than I thought it would be. Oh Well, once again, if you have anything to add or share, I encourage you to do it.