R Fuckin’ Kelly

In category:Music
Post by:LioConvoy

So, Calliander just sent me a video from R Kelly... and it's official. Like so many other great R&B artists, R KELLY HAS LOST HIS DAMN MIND. Now when did this happen? I remember the days of such sound track pleasers as Gotham City and I Believe I Can Fly... and he seemed normal. I mean he married Aliyah who was like 15, but I wouldn't call that nuts so much as I would AWESOME. But still a little creepy, then he got caught peeing on a 14 year old. Now that's kinda fucked up that it was with a 14 yr old (was stretching it by saying married sex with a 15 year old was awesome), but as for the peeing, hey we all have our fucked up fetishes.... I wanna bang a pregnant chick. Ya know, hey he got acquitted and had some jokes cracked on him by Dave Chapelle... but he coulda sprung back from that. But no... something snapped in him after that media frenzy. Now all he's doing are these crazy ass hiphoprahs, with such crazy fucking lines, and I quote: "What they eat don't make us shit!"... yeah... indeed. In fact I can't remember the last time what someone else ate made me shit. So without further ado, here are my top five R&B Meltdowns of history.

  1. Jerry Lee Lewis - The Killer here married his 13 year old cousin, out of all the original Sun Recording artists (Elvis, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Roy Orbison... etc), He is the only one still living, thus proving my theory that sex with young women makes you live longer than the average man.

  2. R. Kelly - Peed on a 14 year old girl and then spent years writing weird melodramas about gays in closets with guns... yup...

  3. Chuck Berry - After a life time of being a groundbreaking musician and breaking down racial barriers, ol' Chuck did the only thing left to do... He retired to a life of selling coke and video taping women shitting in his restaurant's bathrooms.

  4. Whitney Houston - She went from being America's sweet heart, to the diva of R&B, to the crack smoking hump toy of the creepiest member of New Edition.

  5. James Brown - The Godfather of Soul, and the Godfather of R&B Meltdowns... This man loved PCP, guns, beating women, PCP, and Jerry Curls.

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