Oh, You Dumb Americans

I had to get some money out of the ATM today. (A Bank of America ATM!)

The bank I went to has the building, then a teller lane, then the parking lot, so there is a crosswalk over the teller lane. There's also a huge sign that says, "Please do not block crosswalk." If you can't figure out why that sign is there, even without a visual depiction of the area I'm talking about, you may not wish to read further.

I turned to walk back to my car after getting the money and there was a girl - like, mid twenties or late twenties, on her cell phone with one of those small dogs in her lap. I laughed at the situation because - first of all - since when do people younger than sixty use the drive up teller and - secondly - it isn't a particularly small sign. This is completely ignoring the fact that crosswalks are for pedestrians to assume some pseudo safety across a road that vehicles use. So I decided to take a picture, got her lined up properly with the sign in the picture and everything. She then rolled down her window and said, "What the fuck are you taking a picture of?" The dog began barking immediately. I'm pretty sure she'd lowered the phone, thus making it so that whoever was on the other end was just hearing yips.

I laughed and pointed to the sign, which prompted her to say, "So what, asshole?"

I said, "It's funny because the sign is clearly visible and yet you're blocking the crosswalk." Because it is funny.

Her response? "That's fucking rude," with one of those frustrated exhalations of air.

My reply: "It isn't rude. Either you didn't see the sign or you don't care: it's funny."

Then came the golden question, the one I used to love getting when I worked customer service since I have so many ways of saying yes to it: "Are you calling me stupid?"

I made a quick summation of her character and explained, "If you had a sign in your bathroom for male guests to either not pee on the seat or to clean up after themselves, and you found pee on the seat, what would you think about the guy who did it?" She was able to pick up what I was putting down and appropriately cursed at me, 800 words per second.

When she finally wound down she finished with, "You dumb shit, like you're mister perfect!"

I couldn't have asked for a better declaration. I said, "Well if the situation was reversed then I would either say, 'Oh man, I didn't see the sign, how dumb of me!' or 'Aw shucks, you caught me not caring about the sign!' and then I'd have backed up and that would have been the end of it."

Probably guessing I'd made her look stupid, the obvious only response is an ad hominem attack: "Whatever. Fuck you, faggot."

This caused me to laugh even more and I said, "Yes, since being a civil human is a characteristic that only gay people have." Before I could say anything else, though, she peeled off! Didn't even wait for the car in front of her to move up to the window - the girl simply drove off angrily!

It was then I realized: Shit! I didn't get the picture!

My only solace is that she probably was angry for the whole rest of the day, maybe composed a Tweet about it or something with hashtags along the lines of douchebag or hatersgonnahate. Oh, 'Murrica.