Oh yea

Since I cant sleep, I might as well add more.

Like.. another problem is that people get their hopes up. Both on what they want and what they think other people want or will happen if you do something, etc.. people spend a fucking month generating their mental guess of what this year's christmas will be like. You know you're guilty of this.. how many times have you had a 'deep moment' on christmas day where you felt empty or upset or disappointed. Like, this doesn't apply only to those who celebrate christmas. There are tonnes of folks who feel left out being in other religious.. its a human reaction to the whole thing.. especially such a commercial one. This really only applies to the first world tho.. folks with the commercial advertising and tv specials.

I have never truely enjoyed receiving gifts. I have felt touched by some gifts, but that doesnt make me enjoy receiving them more.. its still awkward to me. Even when I was a kid, and I really really really really wanted something for Christmas (know what I'm saying? like that certain remote control car or something.).. if I did get it (usually I really really wanted things that were not exactly affordable), I still felt weird.

I have really stopped desiring a lot of things tho, simply because I had them already. I miss the days of actually having money flow in faster than new crap to buy comes out. But, even now, new crap really is not coming out at all.. not that I want anyway. I don't think I'd get a xbox/gamecube or half the stuff on the top buy lists.

Ya know.. in all my christmas', I don't think I was ever in a bad mood. I know I was real sick for one or two of 'em. Bad mood being angry. I do remember crying the first christmas in the US. The Atari my brother and I got that year did help that a lot, but still.

Just as an aside.. I remember my dad brought home a video camera from work a few times, and the family taped some stuff to send back to africa to show the relatives. But now that I think about it, when it was mailed (it was), I don't think anyone was ever able to play it due ot the NTSC/PAL thing..

Anyway.. I'm tired now and probably am making little sense.. gnite.