My Dad is Awesome

So I'm talking with Peps and I mention something cool about my dad. Peps then mentions something equally as cool about my dad. Then I get to thinking about all the cool things my dad has done in my lifetime and even before my lifetime. And then I realize that my father is one of the coolest guys alive. My dad should be idolized. There should be a monument dedicated to my father. George W. Bush should be giving my dad a special tax cut. Dammit, you all should be kissing the ground my father walks upon! Hehe. Well, okay, now I'm just being silly but he is an awesome dad, and let me explain why.

Tonight at work, I was listening to the Mets/Brewers game on the little radio we have. Its AM reception is better the higher up it is so I went to move it. Unfortunately, the FM antenna is taped to the wall and when I pulled the radio it slid out from the tape and dropped to the floor. Or, rather, it would have dropped to the floor if the electical outlet wasn't in the way of its fall. Bam, it struck one of the plugs in the outlet and with a loud snap and a lot of electical smoke the entire outlet shorted out. The machine that dispenses shitty phone cards went off. The satellite radio we use that plays cheesy music and advertisements outside went off. And, worst of all, the air pump outside started giving out free air to our non-customers. (The thing that controls that function is plugged into that outlet.) Hehe. So, thanking the radio for not starting a fire, I unplugged it and moved it as far away from an electrical outlet as possible. I then called my father, who should be an electician but seems to be content working for a company that stocks electrical supplies, who promptly zoomed over to help me out. Within ten seconds, my dad had located the proper fuse panel in the back and fixed the blown fuse. He also noticed another blown fuse for one of the readers on the pump and fixed that one, too. Awesome dad.

When I was little, my dad was a crazy dude. He had a 'fro, believe it or not (and if you assholes don't coughgatekeepersucks.comcough, I'll have Pappy scan the fucking pictures in) and would say random funny things. Him and his friends would have card games until the wee hours of the morning and I'd help him play. He helped some of the kids on my Little League team hit better by showing them better ways to hold the bat. And even though I disappointed him sometimes, he still supported me. Awesome dad.

My dad is a veteran, too. He was over in Vietnam for about a year. I'm not sure exactly how long, I'd have to ask him, but I think it was a year. He then was injured and sent home. So Caniprokis: my dad was 5 klicks outside of Danang! HA! He used to tell me stories about riding through the country and watching the peasants raking the opium into piles, climbing atop them, and tumbling down all high. He took a hit for the country, Caniprokis. Then he met my mom. He deserves a medal for tolerating her. I love her, but fucking damn... she is one of the naggiest, psychotic, PMS'ing 24 hours a day bitches in the world. I'd have slapped her or lost my temper in some other way before dealing with her crap. Awesome dad.

My dad is also awesome when it comes to dealing with my sister. When my parents first got divorced my mother said that he should have my sister live with him. His response, a classic, was, "I don't want her." He got out of the deal only having to take her for one day a week while my mother gets to provide for her and everything. So like, he got his revenge on my mom for all those years of yelling at him. =) But now that my sister is really overweight, he teases her. She said something about not having anything to eat in this house. He came back with, "Well you found plenty to eat at my house, didn't you?" Funny funny funny. Awesome dad.

Speaking of my sister, I think all fat chicks should be named "Ort". That would make things so much easier. Not only for shallow guys like myself, but for the fat chicks, too. All parties involved benefit from this and "Ort" just a fat name. Ort Fatman. Ort Orty Fatsen. See what I mean? Personal ads would be really easy, you wouldn't need pictures anymore for online stuff. ?ser?vel?tro?
That is all. You are the fattest link... goodbye!