Lay-dayz

Levres... you're talking to a wall when saying Calliander should hook up with vuluptous girls. Calliander is a man who watches those "Feed the Children" commercials and says "Holy Crap... that chick is so thin she doesn't have the energy to blink when a fly crawls on her eyeball! THAT'S HAWT!" I never had a problem with bigger girls... hell, in some cases it makes them better looking. Demon Queen was pretty cute, then she gained 50 lbs. and she was much hotter. Mind you that fifty pounds went straight to her ass and boobs, so I wasn't complaining.

Hehe... but I digress. I don't think that I can't get women. My problem is 90% mental. My mom sort of fucked my head up when I was growing up. She was constantly on my ass to lose weight. I thought no one would be able to love me if I didn't lose the weight. Now that I have, I can see that it's bullshit. I saw more action in the time that I was 320 lbs. than now when I'm a hot son of a bitch. My problem is confidence. I may have lost the weight, But in the back of my head I'm still that frightened 11 year old who would cry himself to sleep at nights worrying that he'd die alone just because he couldn't lose the weight no matter how hard he tried. I'm still that same child whose parents made him diet from the age of 9.

See, I'm thinner than I used to be, but I'm no Abercrombie model. So that still gives me reason to believe that no girl could ever like me because of my weight. Logically, I know this is bullshit. I've seen assholes a lot fatter than me pick up hot girls. I can see that girls like me. But I can't act on it. I always second guess myself. I get so frightened I can't think.

Not only this, but for the past 6 years I have been madly in love with either the Demon Queen or Red. My love for Demon Queen ended years ago, and the fiasco that was my relationship with Red reached it's ultimate conclusion a few weeks ago. Even though I wasn't always in a relationship with these girls, the fact that I was still close to them was enough like the emotional end of a relationship for me to not feel the need to get a girlfriend. See, I didn't need to risk getting hurt by a new girl, because I had a close female friend that supplied me with enough emotional feed back to satisfy me. But now, my relationship with both seems to be extinguished. Red and I luckily are still on good terms, but now that all things are known, we cannot have the friendship we once had. But this may be a blessing in disguise.

I no longer have any really close female friends (except for Verde, but I only get to hang with her when I'm home.). This may force me to be more outgoing in my pursuit for women. For, in the immortal words of the comic book superhero, Daredevil, "man with nothing to lose, is a man without fear"