It's All About the Fans

This is for all my fans out there, especially the Gatekeeper there. Enjoy, people!

So like, I'm at work today, right? And first of all, when I get there, there's a line of people out into the street. Seriously! So like, I had to scramble around the store for an hour to help this cadre of people, put all the papers together, make the coffee, chase the rat around, all of that stuff. It was nuts! Until like 7:30. Phew!

Yeah, so then this guy comes in and he starts making fun of me. So I hop the counter and beat the shit out of him. Then he came back with some friends a half hour later and I beat all of them up, too. And they said they hated my coworker, too, because he's black.

Then this other guy came in and tried to rob me... yeah! He shot at me but I dodged all the bullets and kicked his ass, too. I mopped the floor with him. Yeah! And his girlfriend came in and she was like 13, but she had big titties, so I was in a conflict. She was hot, but she was 13! But he was with her, so she must've been okay with older men. She kept telling me about how she wanted to fuck me! It was insane! I finally decided to take her into the back room and screw her. It was phat.

Yeah, and then that woman came back with a whole crew of exorcists and they tied me down and performed the exorcism on me. So like, with the demons gone, I can now see that God truly does exist and that Satan does, in fact, live in your ass and you make his babies when you have anal sex. Yeah, so I've repented of my sins and now I see that Christ is the way, he is your Saviour and he died for your sins! You shouldn't have anal sex! It's wrong! Really, terribly, horribly wrong! Evil! Don't do it, kids! Just love Christ, that's okay, because you won't ever have anal sex with Christ. He's the son of God, he wouldn't do that!

I also won the Powerball, too! 16 million dollars! I'm going to donate it all to churches, of course. This country doesn't have enough of those. And Bill Murray is going to come give me a five dollar bill, too!

Good fucking day. Toodles, fuckers! HAHAHA!

Calliander - Keepin' it fresh since '21, you suckas!