I was looking back to see...

Because of the last few ruminations of my colleagues, I figure I'll get in on the action. Most of you know that I'm very cynical, but not many of you know why, especially when it comes to women. So here's a little insight.

The first girl I ever went out on a date with worked with Wilson and I, back when I was a junior in high school. I was a stock clerk and she was a cashier, and I always thought she was pretty, but Wilson thought she looked like a witch. I agree with him now, but back then she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. So I screwed around and acted like a jackass (cause I was) and we got to be friends and hung out at work. We'd go to lunch and stuff, real casual, but it meant a lot to me, because she was the first girl who had ever paid any amount of attention to me. So eventually, I asked her out one evening as were leaving work. She said sure, and gave me her number. I don't remember much more of that night, except that I was very happy. I called her and asked her what she wanted to do, and she told me that she was singing at the christmas convert, would I like to come. Sure, I said, and she told me to come over and get my ticket. So I did, and I ended up having a long conversation with her parents, who really seemed to like me. We went to the concert and watched her sing, it went well. So I called her the next day, and we agreed to go get a cup a coffee and hang out the next night. So I went and picked her up for the date, and I'm pretty sure that the date was boring as hell. Not for me, by a long shot. Once we got coffee, I was out of ideas. And she didn't have any, so I think we just drove around. Real interesting, huh? I didn't really care, I was just having a blast being with her. I would have dont anyting she suggested. So I brought her home, and we stood in her driveway shuffling our feet, looking at the pavement, wondering what we should do. Then she kissed me. It was a small kiss on the lips, but I suppose that no matter what, your first kiss is the best. So I said goodnight and drove home with my window wide open at 70 miles per hour, in the middle of November. That was a good night too.

After that, I couldn't get ahold of her for any length of time. We'd chat, but she always had someplace to go, another person to be with, and I never went out with her again outside of work. We were still going to lunch and stuff, and one time, the last time, coincidentally, I asked her what we were. She hemmed and hawed, well, you know, I'm real busy now, (she was in a caroling group through her school) and she didn't really have enough time to have a relationship. It killed me to hear that, but at least I could understand it. I couldn't argue with it. A week later, I saw her at the movies making out with some guy in the arcade. Classy.

That made me good and gunshy. I wanted nothing to do with dating girls, and I didn't until this summer. My friend the Tall Goofy One had introduced me to one of his friends, a girl named Cat, short for Catherine. So I was her a few times, she came over my house one night with him and watched a baseball game, and she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her later in the week, just me and her. Of course, I said. So we did, we hung out a few times and had a good time, and then she came with me to Caniprokis' birthday party at the Pot. In the course of hanging out with her, she told me that she needed a muffler, and I checked it out, and sure enough, hers was rotting out. So I went through lots of books at the store to find just a muffler seperate. This was a Saturn, and lots of those exhaust systems are all one piece. But I finally found her one, and cheap too. So One satudrday, she came over and I put it in for her. And I'm not complaining, but it was a really hot day, and I was laying on my back on the hot asphalt, working on a hot exhaust system. I had to cut the old muffler off of the pipe and work the new one on, plus a hanger and clamps. Not a hard job, but very labor intensive. So i finish up, and I don't charge her any labor on the job, and she says that she has to run, that she'll call me that night. She never did. So I called her the next day, and she sounded very surprised to hear from me. I asked her if she was free that night, no, she said, she had a lot of work to do around the house. Understandable, I thought to myself, and she told me that she'd call me the next night. She never did then either, but I let it go. A few days later, I was hanging with the Goofster, who told me that he saw her the night before. Oh yeah, I said? Did she say anything interesting? Well, yeah, he said. She said that that kid Tim called again, I guess he didn't get the hint when I told him that I'd call him. Geez...some guys are thick... Nice. Real nice. It a good thing you didn't tell me yourself. Oh yeah, I also made an appointment with a garage we do business with to get the A/C in he car recharged. She blew that off too, which made me look REAL good....

And now we come to the last and latest, which some of you know about. Her name was Kate, another friend of the Goofster. You think I'd have learned my lesson with the first one... We started hanging out on January 1st. That's the only reason I remember the date. So we spent an entire sunday together, and that was cool. For two weeks, we saw nothing but each other. Calliander and Caniprokis should remember that... Anyway, those two weeks were dope. We were really close at the end there. It was a few days before she had to go back to Eastern, and I told her that I was gonna come up and visit her and stuff, when she told me that she wasn't sure of a long distance relationship, a whole hour away and all. I'm sure Arcee and Caniprokis can identify with that one. It didn't really worry me that much, I figured she just needed a little reassurance. So I called her the next day, and she was out, and she was out that night, and I never talked to her again, to make a long story not so long. Another classy move. A month later, she emailed me and told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. At least she told me in a timely fashion, the thirty day return policy and all.

So those are the big three, there were other rude girls mixed in between there now and then, but those are the experiences that stand out in my mind. That's why im so goddam cynical. I'm not whining, I'm not asking for any advice, and I don't want anyone telling me to "Buck up, buckeroo!" That's my experience, so that's why I think the way I do. Aydeeos, muchachos. And have a wonderful Saint Patrick's day. Don't get too pickled.