I Want You (She's so Heavy)

Fuck. I mean, Fuck. I'm sitting here, trying to reconcile in my mind why I'm not writing the poem I know I have due tomorrow afternoon, and I really can't come up with a reason. Other than the obvious fact that I don't want to, of course, but I find this problem occurring in my life all over the place. I'm constantly putting things off until, and sometimes after, the last possible moment. I find myself leaving late for class, because I like the song I'm listening to when I should be leaving. I know that I should have gone to the library sometime over the weekend to get stuff for my Journalism class, but I didn't, I put it off until tonight because it's due tomorrow. Procrastination ALWAYS makes my life harder, and, as a rule, I HATE things that make my life harder. But this is different. Procrastination is the lazy person's crack. I'm always looking for a justification for not doing the things that I should be doing. Things that I KNOW I should be doing. Is this some personality defect? Am I abnormal becasue of the way I am? Fuck if I know.

So far, since 6 p.m., instead of writing this stupid poem, I have gotten food, listened to countless mp3s, called Caniprokis at work, made a trip to the can, and fucked around in the garage with my spare truck parts. Now, at 9:45, I wish I had actually written something, anything, at 6, so that I wouldn't have to do it NOW. My own syndrome has pitted me against myself, which I certainly don't care for.

Now I'm facing an evening of sitting here knowing that I have work to do, but I'll probably end up just listening to music, browsing pornography, and half paying attention to the TV. Goddam, I'm fucking lazy.