I want to break free

I've been in a bit of a rut lately.  The majority of that problem being that I have become bored with my life.  It's so very bizarre waking up in the afternoon and knowing exactly how your day will play out.  I wake up... take a shower... go to work... come home... stay on the computer till the early morning.  Then I just repeat the process.  Life has just become stiff and mechanical.  A pantomime of life really.

Another problem contributing to this problem is that I've been spending a lot of time with myself, and found out that I'm not that interesting a person.  I bore myself.  I've spent the majority of my Friday night with my computer on PRAYING to God that someone would come on.  No one did, so now I'm typing here.  I'm just so dull.

The majority of my personality was built around being a host, and center of festivities.  But what good is that when there is no one to celebrate with?  Earlier this summer, out of vain ego and bruised pride I tried to push those closest to me away.  I threatened, and blustered... thinking that I could just cast as many people out of my life as I wanted to, and I'd be fine with it.  But now, there IS no one left.  I see the error in my previous thinking, and that a solitary existence is not for me.

I'm going to have you all back shortly.  We'll have a few get togethers.  Then it will be over.  I'll have to figure out what to do with myself while alone.  feh.