Going out of my brain

So I'm sick of doing homework. I'm ready for the semester to be over. We have 8 more days of classes, but I don't even want to do those. I've been doing my differential equations homework for about a total of 3.5 hours so far. I'm on my 12th page and I have about 5 more pages to go in my estimation! 12 pages of math homework...just a big bunch of letter and symbols that boils down to a line of crap that no one really cares about. I mean, you give me a 2nd order differential equation and I can try to give you the function that it comes from. Big fucking deal. What does that really mean? Nothing. All it means is that I get credit for my homework. Argh! I don't know why I'm complaining about this. This is my major. This stuff is easy to me. At least I don't have to be writing papers which would be far worse in my opinion. I guess it just feels like busy work and I'm not in the mood for busy work at all.

So my roommate is back. That means I don't have the slush space to put my crap all over her side until Monday morning. The reason she came back tonight instead of tomorrow morning is that we have to get up and go to Econ in the morning, at 8 fucking o'clock in the morning and watch a movie. As if I could stay awake at 8 am, you're going to bring me to a lecture hall, make me watch a boring fucking movie about economics and expect me to stay awake? Good luck. I don't want her to be here and I don't want to go to Econ in the morning.

I hate people. They are fucking disgusting. Where is common decency? What would make a person take a bone with some sort of meat on it, wrap it in a kleenex so that the juices and meat or whatever soaks through, and then leave it in a shower stall? I get up yesterday morning and go take a shower only to find a fucking bone with meat of some sort on it in the shower. There was gravy type shit splattered on the walls too. Hello, that's fucking foul. Grow up people.

I want to know what I am doing this summer. It's May 6. We're all done with finals and everything in 19 days. I don't know where I'll be living. I don't know where I'll be working. I haven't got a damn clue about where I'll be next month. Hello?? What is going on?

FlyingTim says I think that we all have grown up some since we all parted ways and went to college, which is a good thing. I think college has taught us that the time we spend apart from each other makes us enjoy the time we spend together all the more enjoyable. That's great.

Funny though because just the other day I was thinking about how my five good friends from high school have all grown up as well, myself included. We all went our separate ways and experienced a different taste of life. I think though, that while we're all better people for what we've been through and what we'll continue to go through, it truly has separated us more than brought us together. We all know that we'll always be there for each other and all that sentimental rhetoric. However, when I get together with my friends from high school, it all seems to superficial. I love them all dearly and I'd be the first to go running if any one of them needed me, don't get me wrong. However, they talk about their lives, of which I don't feel a part, and I have my life, of which they aren't really a big part. My day to day life involves the people at school, and only a select few that truly matter to me. I mean, I interact with people all the time and I see tons of people that I know everyday, but only a few really matter to me -- Wilson really.

I'm not going home this summer so I won't get to spend time with my friends then either. I'm staying here at school (hopefully). At first I was a little saddened that I won't get to see them. Then I thought about it realistically and realized, I probably wouldn't have seen them anyhow. I stayed in my home town last summer. Out of those 5 friends, 1 worked in the oncology dept at a hospital in Boston, 1 worked at a bank in Quincy, 1 worked at a restaurant in W. Bridgewater and a supermarket in W. Bridgewater, 1 worked at a publishing type of place in Whitman, and I don't even know what the other one did. I worked at a law firm in Brockton. You would think that we could have coordinated and gotten together at least a few times? No, I only really saw my friend Ashley. We happened to work about the same hours and we both bored out of our minds and would get together to just chill. I wouldn't get to see any of my friends even if I was home. Sort of sad, don't you think?

College has separated us. Maybe we'll find our way back together again after college. I doubt it though. We'll always be there for each other technically, but I don't think we'll ever be as close as we once were. We have college lives and no matter how hard we try, each of separate college lives won't mesh together with our high school lives. Maybe our post college lives will mesh.

I've changed. I'm not even close to being the person that I was in high school. "I feel so far from where I've been." I don't like to do the things I did in high school -- even just driving around listening to music with my friend Pam. I love Pam and all, but driving around has no interest to me anymore. I don't like the same music -- my ex boyfriend ruined an entire genre of music for me, but it was country music, so it's ok. I don't talk about the same things and the town gossip doesn't interest me at all. I don't care anymore who is sleeping with who or who broke up or who is pregnant. I just don't care. I feel like about 50% of me has died and a new 50% has taken over.

I miss my parents. I've been home only about 3 times this semester. Last semester, I went home a little more often, but still rarely. Last year I went home about every other weekend. I really miss my parents. As much as I like being up here on the weekends and having no worries, being able to chill and do my own thing, I miss having lunch with my dad on Saturdays. I miss pizza on Sunday nights. I even miss my mom bitching at me for sleeping the day away. I just miss my parents. I miss saying goodnight to them every night. I miss being able to watch tv with my dad or sit in the kitchen with my mom. I just miss my parents.

I wish I was 8 years old again. That was a fantastic time in life. School was easy and fun. Friends were the best and it didn't matter if all you ever talked to them about was make believe stuff. There were no cares, no worries. You just had to make sure to brush your teeth and clean behind your ears. You didn't have to worry about paying bills or finding a place to live. You didn't have to think about saving money up so that you can buy medicine. You just didn't have any worries. You had to be in before it got too dark out and you had to dress warm enough so that you didn't catch a cold. You could go swimming at the crack of dawn and not notice that the water was frigid. You could watch cartoons and not pick apart the plot. It was just a much better time in life. I wish I was 8 years old again.

Well thanks for letting me bitch and whine and complain and babble. 1212 Out.