Friendshits

What to do?  What to do, what to do?  What do you do when someone you regard as family does something that you regard as so hurtful, you can't even think about it without going into frothing anger?  What happens when you've been hurt so bad by a situation that you can't even think about how life will be the same again?

See, In past times I'd be all like "Gah, I'm so angry!  I'm going to get my vengeance!  You're out of my life!"  But, that's not the way... in the end those types of reactions don't wind up in anything but a lot of horseshit, that ultimately serves no one well.  And besides... I've hardly been a paragon of loyalty and virtue these days.  I keep telling myself that.  It's kind of one of the things that's been keeping me sane.  A sense of "Karmically, Lio, you could have gotten kicked in the groin worse."  Logically, I don't even really have a right to be angry.  That still doesn't dull the pain... not by a longshot.

So, now I'm faced with a question.  Is this transgression so bad that I can completely disavow family?   But Bean's post raises an even more interesting question.  Where does loyalty end and the pursuit of your own personal happiness begin?  Should we expect any type loyalty from anyone?  Even family.

I mean, friends... sure... you can have friends that you keep at arms length once they have wronged you.  You can expect them to betray you again and make preparations to avoid it.  To paraphrase Frank Herbert, the first step in avoiding a trap is being aware of it's existance.   However... Family... that's a little trickier.  My instinct will forever to be to trust this person.  Trust him not to hurt me.  Trust him not to break my heart.  But I can't.  And I know this.

This fact is why I'm so confused right now.  Part of me says "After so long, and so much, this is such a minor infraction in the history of things.  Let it slide."  Then another part says "Screw all that, he knew... he knew full well that if he did this, your reactions would not be pretty.  There are consequences to all actions."  So, my final verdict is very much up in the air.  Any suggestions?