Eat my fucking ass.

I've never posted a news post before, and I wanted to. Here's some fucking news for you all, my alarm clock sucks shit.

About 2 years ago, I think (maybe Pappy can correct me, for some reason he will know the exact date) Pappy and I needed alarm clocks. So, we went to this shitty as dead mall in Hadley, or whatever... It's about 3 minutes away from UMass. All I wanted was a cheap, working, alarm clock. So, we come to this real piece of crap store named Rex... it's one of those stores with HIGH PRESSURE SALESPEOPLE, thank god I'm only there for an alarm clock. The thing cost $4.66 before tax, or something, so it was what I was looking for.

I've fucking hated the thing since the day I bought it. The only good thing about it is that it picks up radio stations from Hartford that I sometimes want to listen to. For some reason, the genuises at GE decided to design this alarm clock with not only a snooze button, which lets you snooze for 9 minutes (why not 10?) but a DELICIOUS "sleep" button. Heres what the sleep button does - it lets you sleep for an HOUR. What kind of motherfucker sets their alarm knowing that they will have an HOUR of sleeping time they will want to snooze through? Just fucking set the alarm for when you want to get up, or stop being such a lazy bitch and get up and re-set the alarm if you need a fucking hour more of rest.

So, anyway, the buttons on the fucking thing are identicle, and in a hazy, usually substance induced coma of a sleep, you just reach out and press one of the buttons.. Usually I'm good enough to hit the right button, which lets me sleep for 9 more minutes. I took a fucking knife to the SLEEP button, so that it's all sharp and shit, so that I wont press it, if you're wondering how I am lucky enough to hit the snooze button every time.

Well, now the alarm clock has given me its final dick fucking.. the snooze button now lets me snooze for an UNDETERMINED amount of time.. that's right, you hit it, and the fucking thing never goes off again. I'm thinking thats how it was designed, to make the alarm clock go off after a random number of seconds, and that I was just lucky for a while that those seconds happened to be 9 minutes worth.. Those GE faggots sure can design a mean piece of electronics.

So, with any luck, I will get to k-mart or walmart or some fucking mart that isnt REX and I will purchase another alarm clock.. Probably another piece of shit, but definetly not this one, and all will be well again.. I have to be in at 8:30 at my new job, which sucks enough ass on its own without having to worry about the alarm clock not going off.

FlyingTim - To quickly answer your question, I lost my sense of humor somewhere around MMMBop. And we cool, but aint nobody gonna fuck wit my bitches.

Oh, and I'm as guilty as english major bashing as the rest of you, but I think that some of them actually do work, and shit.. I don't know, FlyingTim is busy with papers and reading and shit, and I don't see him playing frisbee. I know my lit class sucks the soul out of me.. and I fucking hate every second of it. But, I do see alot of english major motherfuckers doing nothing all day.. The same goes for art history majors.. I listen to these annoying little fucks bitch about their projects and papers all the time... They make me want to KILL KILL KILL.

I missed my first class due to that fucking alarm clock, I should go before I miss my second.

Heres your second piece of news, you news hungry fags - This weekend is daylight saving time... During that hour that we get to repeat, go fuck the dog or something.. You can just claim to your drunk friends that it never happened, since you wouldnt have had enough time to do it otherwise. Work the dog over real well, I'm sure he could use it, especially after all the times you come home from work or home from a date and kick the shit out of it.

J-Ditty