And I Wept Golden Tears of Joy....

HOLY SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP, I HAVE JUST RECIEVED THE SWEETEST NEWS A COMIC BOOK DORK LIKE MYSELF COULD EVER RECIEVE!  The new Batman film, to be directed directed by Memento's Christopher Nolan, has been searching for a star for some time.  This has been weighing heavily on my mind for sometime (yeah, I'm sad and pathetic... Fuck you).  As a life long Batman fan, I must say the casting of almost every Batman has been flawed somehow.  The biggest problem comes from the duality needed to portray both Batman and Bruce Wayne.  One a twisted soul bent on vengeance and protection of the innocent, the other a mask of a foppish playboy, a spoiled child of privelige.

Keaton, My favorite Live-Action Batman, made a passable batman, but his Bruce Wayne was played to comical/over the top at times.  That scene in Vicki Vale's apartment when he confront's the Joker, way too over the top for Bruce Wayne.  Bruce Wayne is a persona created to hide the fucked up side of his personality... He's too controlled to go off on the Joker like that.

Then there was Kilmer.  Now... I love Val Kilmer, so eccentric, so out there... fantastic.  He had the exact opposite problem of Keaton.  He had a fantastic Bruce Wayne, but his Batman was just bland and too often was dwarfed by Jim Carrey's antics (DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE JIM CARREY RIDDLER!!!!).  Kilmer's wild eyed, spacy demeanor is a perfect for someone who has had everything handed to them, and thanks to a horrible trauma, is emotionally frozen at the level of an 8 year old (think about it... all of Batman's equipment are just really neat toys... Batarangs anyone?).  But his Batman was just off somehow.

Then there was Clooney.  I'm thoroughly convinced that he landed the gig thanks to a Homosexual crush that director Joel Schumacher had for him.  Batman & Robin was too much an abortion for me to even offer up a valid analysis of his job.  He might have been good... I don't know.  But I do know that you can't polish a turd, and that's what Batman & Robin was.

Which brings me to the reason why I've written this long winded, and very silly post.  The new Batman film's star.  Now for months they've been trying to find one.  There was a whole bunch of names bandied about.  Ashton Kutcher, Guy Pierce, Christian Bale, Josh Hartnett... and a slew of others whose names and the word "Batman" belong in the same sentence about as much as the words "teeth" and "penis" do.  Now, Ashton Kutcher... Let's think... Kelso as the Dark knight?  NEXT!  Josh Hartnett... I loved him in The Virgin Suicides, but he's way to young to be Batman (at that age Bruce Wayne was still training in Japan".  Guy Pierce...  He'd be a pretty cool, but an issue of being able to play up that duality comes to mind.  I don't know.  Now... CHRISTIAN BALE.  Ok... For those who don't know who the hell I'm talking about. I'll give you a brief rundown.  He's a british actor, who is being considered to follow in Pierce Brosnan's footsteps as Bond in the future Bond movies.  It was this fact that made him the least likely choice because there is no way that he could be Bond if he was associated with Batman.  He also starred in Reign of Fire and Empire of the Sun.  But those movies are not what make me think Bale would be the ULTIMATE Batman.  But one movie he did fills me with that assurance... American Psycho.  It was a film that was all about duality... and, Hell it very easily could have been a Batman movie if you'd just replaced his character's psychosis of murdering random women and street people with putting on tights and beating up criminals.  I've often said that Batman is just as insane as the criminals he hunts, the only reason he is not in a mental hospital is that his psychosis is beneficial.

It was almost official... the studios wanted Ashton Kutcher, and were not willing to budge.  He's bankable, and they are retarded. But then today, I was cruising my sights (AICN and Dark Horizons), and both delivered a divine mesage to me so sweet, I almost went blind from it's beauty.  CHRISTIAN BALE IS THE NEXT BATMAN!!! HALLELUJAH AMEN HOLY FUCK!