Ahhhhhh. Good to be back. I used to post on this site as a much younger man, but the name I used doesn't feel like me anymore. So I've chosen a new one.

The Three of Swords. The wounded heart. It represents a deep emotional wound. I have a few of those. Some are legitimate. Some are self inflicted. They've been piling up recently.

But, for those not in the know of Tarot, a fascinating thing happens when a Tarot card is viewed upside down, the meaning inverts as well. In this instance the wounded heart is tipped upside down. Gravity works it's magic. The swords fall out and the heart can heal.

As I fumble through middle age, I realize I need to flip some of the cards on their head. Release old grudges. Go to therapy. Be there for my parents like they were there for me.

So here I am. Back where I started 20 years ago, vague posting lIke the good old days. Time to flip some cards.

As a person who used IVF to conceive with my wife, the court's ruling is infuriating. In the eyes of Alabama, we are complicit in a crime. Because we wanted a kid.

As a cynic who - unfortunately - hasn't been wrong about any of the things conservatives have done or will do, I saw it coming.

Neither is a feeling that I wish to have.

https://www.npr.org/2024/02/20/1232815486/alabama-supreme-court-frozen-embryos

How about this: People who want a baby, but could only have a baby via IVF, and now can't have a baby because of this ruling – find the people responsible for ruling and take their baby?

Seems fair. If we're just going to arbitrarily decide that nonsense like, "a fertilized embryo is a child with rights," is valid, then nonsense like, "I can take your child because you have prevented me from having one," is also valid.

That wonderfully stale and vanilla news site, USA Today, has been focused on a very particular issue recently. They've been so focused on it they've made an online form for people to submit their stories about it. That issue is how airlines treat mobility devices – wheelchairs, carts, whatnot. If you've paid attention to news in recent years, you've probably witnessed a disabled person explaining how an airline broke their device.

Here's a "fact" about it:

According to the Department of Transportation, airlines "mishandle" on average about 1.5% of the mobility equipment they transport.

We make spaces for mobility devices on buses and light rails, in restaurants, in parks, and in many other places. Yet, for some reason, we don't make space on the actual airplane for a person's device. We could. But we don't. Instead, it's treated as luggage and loaded in with the bags and other crap below.

So that fact can kiss my ass.

If an airline separates a disabled person from their wheelchair or other mobility device, they've mishandled the equipment.

It would be easy enough to make the space but I suspect there's a profit-related reason for avoiding that solution. If they take out even four seats that must translate to some executive not being able to purchase a yacht, and this is America – that's a tragedy.

(Imagine if we took out some seats in first class instead of coach? All those wealthy shitheads would throw a fit!)

ah, 9/11.

the day we remember an act of external terrorism, committed on u.s. soil. not only did it take around 3,000 lives then, it’s still taking lives today in the form of long-term effects. aside from that, it birthed waves of islamophobia and conspiracy theories (which, of course, are a form of anti-semitism). fucked the united states up. at the time, it seemed like things “got back to normal” but that’s debatable.

and yet, remembering the horrible loss of life caused by that act of external terrorism amid internal terrorism that the u.s. government both sanctions and participates in? seems a little callous. especially when that internal terrorism is so multi-faceted: a non-response to a global pandemic, resulting in an uncountable number of unnecessarily lost lives; a refusal to get even the slightest grip on the outsize violence committed by american police departments and then turning those same, unhinged thugs on the people protesting their acts; a tacit collaboration with cowardly losers calling themselve patriots as they spray bear mace at protestors and shoot them in defense of property.

i lost a loved one when the north tower collapsed, so i’m very wary of anyone trying to compare casualties. one death makes an event awful, whether you brand that death unnecessary or otherwise. so the first person to die in 9/11 made it awful. the first person to die from covid-19 made that awful. while it is by no means the starting point of police violence against black people, breonna taylor’s death makes it awful. the first person to die in the protests.

if you know your history, there’s a point (possibly in the 80’s or early 90’s) where we could have prevented the 9/11 attack. but trying to assign that blame is tricky, even with all we know about the mujahideen fight against the soviets and its aftermath. and 9/11 sparked all kinds of problems that can be laid at the feet of george w. bush for sure.

but the current u.s. president, on the other hand, is directly responsible for all the things i used as comparison. donald trump has, either through his own person or through orders carried about by his administration, intentionally infected millions of americans with a serious virus for no real reason. he’s indicated no concern for the actions of law enforcement officers who kill american citizens, nor for their outlandish budgets or lack of de-escalation skills. and then he turned around and sent unbadged assholes into some cities to incite conflict and make it seem like the protests were riots.

i distinctly remember his calls into tv shows, spreading misinformation and gloating about the size of his building. so, even though next year will mark 20 years, this feels like as good a year as any to make the following known: i wish donald trump had died in the 9/11 attacks. as that didn’t happen, i hope he contracts the covid-19 virus and dies, painfully and slowly while intubated. if not that, then maybe the american people somehow prevail over his blatant efforts to rig the upcoming election and some secret service agents shoot him an obscene number of times when he refuses to leave office. failing either of those outcomes, i hope ivanka overcomes the trauma he inflicted on her in her preteen and early teenage years, sprays him with some mace, and chokes him out like jabba the hutt.

why would anyone celebrate july 4th in the united states? the country’s a cesspool, there’s nothing to celebrate.

these isolation protesters don’t want to be members of society any more. when are we going to acknowledge that? they want to block a hospital? blow up their vehicles.

i don't care about your dumb holiday or your invisible space friend

I had to get some money out of the ATM today. (A Bank of America ATM!)

The bank I went to has the building, then a teller lane, then the parking lot, so there is a crosswalk over the teller lane. There's also a huge sign that says, "Please do not block crosswalk." If you can't figure out why that sign is there, even without a visual depiction of the area I'm talking about, you may not wish to read further.

I turned to walk back to my car after getting the money and there was a girl - like, mid twenties or late twenties, on her cell phone with one of those small dogs in her lap. I laughed at the situation because - first of all - since when do people younger than sixty use the drive up teller and - secondly - it isn't a particularly small sign. This is completely ignoring the fact that crosswalks are for pedestrians to assume some pseudo safety across a road that vehicles use. So I decided to take a picture, got her lined up properly with the sign in the picture and everything. She then rolled down her window and said, "What the fuck are you taking a picture of?" The dog began barking immediately. I'm pretty sure she'd lowered the phone, thus making it so that whoever was on the other end was just hearing yips.

I laughed and pointed to the sign, which prompted her to say, "So what, asshole?"

I said, "It's funny because the sign is clearly visible and yet you're blocking the crosswalk." Because it is funny.

Her response? "That's fucking rude," with one of those frustrated exhalations of air.

My reply: "It isn't rude. Either you didn't see the sign or you don't care: it's funny."

Then came the golden question, the one I used to love getting when I worked customer service since I have so many ways of saying yes to it: "Are you calling me stupid?"

I made a quick summation of her character and explained, "If you had a sign in your bathroom for male guests to either not pee on the seat or to clean up after themselves, and you found pee on the seat, what would you think about the guy who did it?" She was able to pick up what I was putting down and appropriately cursed at me, 800 words per second.

When she finally wound down she finished with, "You dumb shit, like you're mister perfect!"

I couldn't have asked for a better declaration. I said, "Well if the situation was reversed then I would either say, 'Oh man, I didn't see the sign, how dumb of me!' or 'Aw shucks, you caught me not caring about the sign!' and then I'd have backed up and that would have been the end of it."

Probably guessing I'd made her look stupid, the obvious only response is an ad hominem attack: "Whatever. Fuck you, faggot."

This caused me to laugh even more and I said, "Yes, since being a civil human is a characteristic that only gay people have." Before I could say anything else, though, she peeled off! Didn't even wait for the car in front of her to move up to the window - the girl simply drove off angrily!

It was then I realized: Shit! I didn't get the picture!

My only solace is that she probably was angry for the whole rest of the day, maybe composed a Tweet about it or something with hashtags along the lines of douchebag or hatersgonnahate. Oh, 'Murrica.

There's a web campaign I noticed today that is trying to end using the word "retard" as a pejorative.

http://r-word.org

Several of my friends shared it because today (March 5th) is their awareness day. I am not here to somehow defend the use of the word or to crap all over the people organizing the campaign, though. I am here to share an embarrassing story of mine as a show of support for this. While I generally don't mind insulting someone for things like their religion, personal habits, annoying Facebook activities, and a myriad of other criteria they all pretty much have a single thing in common:

You can choose to do or not do any of those things.

Granted, some people have addictions or mental illnesses, and I understand that. But most people choose (consciously or otherwise) to continually use hashtags or pick their noses in public. Someone who falls under the category that the word "retard" used to cover did not ask to be born like that. You'll probably find that a lot of the things I get super up-in-arms about boil down to that or, at least, are nuanced enough to be in the same vein. Note that I said, "used to cover," there - that's because it's a word that shouldn't be used to corral all kinds of disabilities together.

My story is this:

After moving to Long Beach, California earlier in my life I started to get more exposure to gay people. While I considered myself a supporter of gay rights I never involved myself in any way and I used to call things "gay" all of the time. "Oh, that shirt is so gay," and etc. Within some time, my friends started to tell me that while they appreciated me arguing for them with people on the internet and such, that my continual use of the word in a pejorative way was confusing. Initially, I responded in the way that most social Conservatives respond to that sort of thing - "Why are you being so sensitive?" "It's just a word," "I hate politically correct language," "I've got all these gay friends so I can't be a homophobe."

Of course, in time, I realized how undeveloped and puerile those points of view are. I developed a simple way to weed it out of my vocabulary. Whenever I called something "gay" I would also say, "as in bad." (To this day, if I slip and call something gay, you'll hear me add it.) That probably sounds counterproductive but what it did was put it at the forefront of my mind. "This traffic is so gay… as in bad." "What did that guy do? Wow, that was gay… as in bad." and so on. It did not take very long for me to realize how stupid and mean I sounded.

It's tough for me to specifically point out what people are using "retarded" for and to help develop ways to stop people from using it negatively. However, the picture I attached to this story is an example of what I mean. Campaigns like the one I mentioned are great starts and are making good progress. Calling people out for it also works if you're thick-skinned enough to deal with the kind of dolt who would call something retarded.

If you're someone who is mature enough to realize you shouldn't be calling things retarded, or labeling someone some sort of "-tard" yet don't have the self-control or vocabulary to weed it out, try to find something like I did. When you use it derogatorily like that, you're implying that there's something "bad" about having a developmental disorder.

Come to think of it, maybe replacing "retarded" with some of my criteria above or something may be worthwhile. "What are you doing? You're acting like such a Catholic right now." "Dude, stop saying that, you sound hashtaggy." "You just went full nose-picker. Never go full nose-picker."

Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, you faggots. Now go take advantage of a sleeping girl.

So a Girl Walks into a Comedy Club...

It's been a bit since anything happened that I felt was worth bitching about on here. And there's so much wrong about this that I am delighted to tear this douchebag apart.

It's pretty much a societal rule that if you heckle a comedian you deserve whatever comes back your way. If I went to see that asshole Nick Di Paolo and shouted at him for saying something racist or conservative, then it's pretty much his duty to tear me down and make me look like the asshole I am for interrupting his bit. It's his fucking comedy bit: not Nick Di Paolo featuring stupid commentary from Calliander.

But let's say you don't go to comedy shows enough. How would you know not to interrupt the comedian? Oh wait - COMMON FUCKING SENSE tells me that if I'm seeing any kind of performance and I don't like what I'm seeing then I ... GASP ... leave! If I buy tickets for a band I really want to see and they just suck, I leave and find a way to get my money back. If I spontaneously decide to go see some unknown band play and it turns out they only cover Journey, well that is my money lost for taking the chance. And that's what you did, you took a chance:

We saw that Dane Cook, along some other names we didn’t recognize we’re playing, and while we both agree that Cook’s style is not really our taste we were opened-minded about what the others had to offer. And we figured even good ol’ Dane can be funny sometimes, even if it’s not really our thing.

So with those things in mind, let's go over events here.

So Tosh then starts making some very generalizing, declarative statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, rape is hilarious, etc. I don’t know why he was so repetitive about it but I felt provoked because I, for one, DON’T find them funny and never have. So I didnt appreciate Daniel Tosh (or anyone!) telling me I should find them funny. So I yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!”

You felt provoked because you, for one, DON'T find rape jokes funny. Well, good for you but guess what: if you didn't appreciate the comedian trying to tell you that you should find the jokes funny, you leave. You don't yell something out. In the paragraph prior to that you spent so much time making sure that everyone knew you were paying your hard-earned money for this comedy show so you're really trying to justify being a dickhead instead of acting like a normal person and exiting the show.

I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape.

No, you did it for the reason I mentioned. This is just further trying to rationalize being disruptive. "Saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman." So you're an asshole, and probably a social conservative, since those are the kind of people who justify their having been a jerk (especially in public) with that kind of phrase.

Now in the lobby, I spoke with the girl at the will-call desk, and demanded to see the manager. The manager on duty quickly came out to speak with me, and she was profusely apologetic, and seemed genuinely sorry about what had happened, but of course we received no refund for our tickets, but instead a comped pair of tickets, although she admitted she understood if we never wanted to come back. I can imagine the Laugh Factory doesn’t really have a policy in place for what happens when a woman has to leave in a hurry because the person onstage is hurling violent words about sexual violence at her. Although maybe I’m not the first girl to have that happen to her.

Hmm. Funny how we are suddenly talking about a refund. So not only did you interrupt the comedian, you spoke to the manager. I think I know what's going on here!

I should probably add that having to basically flee while Tosh was enthusing about how hilarious it would be if I was gang-raped in that small, claustrophic room was pretty viscerally terrifying and threatening all the same, even if the actual scenario was unlikely to take place. The suggestion of it is violent enough and was meant to put me in my place.

I was right! So here's what ACTUALLY happened. You couldn't help yourself and heckled the comedian which, as we've discussed, is an asshole thing to do. Then, because you're such a self-entitled moron, you got all butt-hurt when the comedian rightfully heckled you back. You got what you deserved but because you're too thin-skinned to take what you dish out, you went and cried to the manager about a refund - even though you admitted it's your bad for taking the risk on the show! And now Tosh has to issue an apology to you because a bunch of other entitled asshats re-blogged your whiny, self-indulgent missive? Could you get any more cloying: "gang-raped in that small, claustrophobic room was pretty viscerally terrifying." It's none of those things, but since you feel like such a special snowflake, all the other ones will rally around you. The worst part about all this is what I italicized in the quoted text: you totally know you were in the wrong and you realized he was trying to get you back for fucking with his set. So that means you're just being vindictive. At least Tosh was trying to be funny, even if you don't think he succeeded.

Don't take me for a Tosh.0 fan - his show has some funny points but it's completely uninspired. His comedy performances turn me off in the same way as Adam Sandler movies - the, "LOOK, LAUGH AT THIS, IT'S FUNNY! I'M TRYING SO HARD TO MAKE YOU LAUGH!"

I'm thinking about going through and deleting some of my touchy friends: those armchair activist fucks. Why? Because there are so many things I want to say about that Josephy Kony video ... and I can't; at least not without a bunch of responses from people who will get upset at my towering intellect. So there's the fatuous excuse of wanting avoid anything involving a Kardashian or Justin Bieber. Of course. I wouldn't be me without saying something like that. Along that same line, this douchebag has the gall to call himself a filmmaker?

But let's dig a little deeper here: Are all of these people (we're up to 38 Facebook shares as of this writing) going to sit there and tell me that something like this:

... would have sparked a revolution on Facebook? Even though if you read the Wikipedia entry it's pretty goddamned clear he's not a good man. NO! If I'd posted that when I found out about Kony it #1 would have been on MySpace and #2 have been met by dead internets silence. Why?

Because it's not relatable. It's not tangible.

Feeble American brains, soft and underused from all of their Next Top Model, Cupcake ATMs, and the Party Rock Anthem don't react in any way to a big block of text unless, ironically, it's about something completely useless - see the Rush Limbaugh debacle or the furor surrounding Congress passing a bill that adds a word to a section of US law. So how can we dress it up and give it a spray tan for American consumption?

I've got it! Let's have this self-righteous dick dreamer parade his kid around to get them all ready, then spend 30 fucking minutes telling them about this person who was affected by Kony's atrocities! We'll do it with flashy graphics, poorly edited footage, dramatic music, and McDouchenstein's languid drone over the top of it. Americans love it when you appeal to their desire to make the world a better place for their kids!

Let's gloss over the fact that only somewhere between 30-35% of the money our organization received actually went to Uganda. Or that there are so few LRA members left, and that Kony hasn't been active for six years. Let's also skip past the fact that what we're taking all that time to explain is really, at most, two or three sentences. [For reference: Joseph Kony is the leader of an extremist Christian group called the Lord's Resistance Army, based out of Uganda. He is known for committing terrible atrocities against innocent civilians - especially children - in the name of the Christian God. Though many attempts have been made to capture him, he remains free to this day, his current whereabouts unknown.]

This is why slacktivism is so popular: you can film some guy who lost his legs, overlay some inspirational music, post it on YouTube, and you are SOLID GOLD. Your video will be viral, and will have brought asinine Americans to tears. They'll claim it changed their lives ... and promptly forget about it two weeks later.

What's really going on is that Obama's already on top of this shit. Just like he got Osama, he's gonna fucking get this guy. Yeah, it sucks that he's basically been on the run since being pushed out of Uganda in 2005/6 (he may be deathly ill, according to some reports). It sucks he had armies of children, and traded girls away to assholes. He's a shitty, shitty human being. But you're still all assholes.

I'm going to go find myself a dog that lost its legs to record and overlay with some sad music for idiots to spread around. Shit - someone already beat me to that?

The following items are for homos:

• Single-cup coffee makers
• Coffee makers that cost more than $100.
• In-home pour-over coffee makers at any price.
• Espresso machines. (Double homo points if it's more than $1000.)
• Lattes. Soy, no soy, water, room for sugar: it doesn't matter.
• Chemex.
• French press.

Assholes. If anyone ever comes over to my place and my Mr. Coffee isn't good enough for them, I will be introducing their genitals to my fist.

So that faggoty guilt-status shit is running around Facebook again about bullies. 99% of you won't put this as your status for an hour!

First of all, Facebook doesn't work that way any more. I hate that peoples' feeble brains can't even think to change it.

Secondly, I was bullied and I don't resent one second of it. I would not have become a somewhat passable human being without the horrible experiences I endured at the hands of the people beating me up or making fun of my poor ass.

Stop hating on bullies, you noodlegazers.

Hey guys, this morning at 11:28am we put Deedee to sleep. Back in July, we discovered that her other kidney had stopped functioning. Through some fluid treatments and special food we were able to keep her going but we knew it was only a matter of time before she would shut down totally. Last week she stopped eating, a few days ago she stopped drinking water and cleaning herself. So it was better for her this way.

Do you guys have any fond memories of her? She was such a calm and inconspicuous cat but I was hoping you guys had some kind words to say. Thanks!

Yo dudes - due to the loss of my Grandmother I have cancelled my California trip. I have 9/28 through 10/11 off.

Lemme know if you sexy guys wanna get together and have like an orgy or kill a bunch of hookers or something. Get at me. Also, if one of you kind gentlemen could locate these for my special day I would be forever indebted. (This is my birthday wish list.)

Last Friday I took Deedee to the vet for a checkup. She isn't that active of a cat normally but she'd been pretty lethargic the few days prior. Usually, my Dad gets home from work and she sits with him while he watches TV, letting him pet her and such, but that behavior stopped. She was putting herself in places where she wasn't easily reachable by us. So I took her in and had the vet take some blood work. She was dehydrated, which made sense because she hadn't been eating or drinking. Due to the holiday weekend, the results from the blood work were due back on Tuesday. Her behavior did not change any of those days and on Tuesday the vet called with bad news.

For most of her life, Deedee's only had one working kidney. The other one was physically there but didn't function. Her blood work showed high levels of creatine and blood urea nitrogen, indicating that the working kidney was failing. I brought her in on Tuesday and they were going to try a bolus (fluids given intravenously) to see about jumpstarting the kidney. We got no word on Tuesday or Wednesday, and I was optimistic since no news is good news. However, this morning, the vet called to say that while she received the fluid treatment fine her creatine and BUN levels did not go down. In other words, both of her kidneys do not function.

I can remember bringing her home almost ten years ago. She was a rescue cat - a woman found her scrounging around in the garbage to feed a litter of kittens - about a year old. She jumped up if you held your hand out so that you could pet her. She was so traumatized, though, that my family was completely unaware she was home since she spent the first few nights under my bed. But she grew to trust me and my family, becoming a very well-behaved and loved member. My mother and father became very fond of her - especially my mother. I'm sure you all remember that she was a very docile and friendly cat, never living up to the bad rep that cats get: no randomly attacking people, only showing love and concern, not running around a lot, etc.

We brought her home so that people can say goodbye before bringing her back to the vet to have her put to sleep. She isn't in any pain as a result of the kidney failing, at least not yet. However, she will eventually start convulsing and there might be some pain at the end.

I love Deedee and will miss her greatly.

You should never trust a born-again Christian, let alone one who raised 28 fucking kids.

Yes,

I am buying a PS3 to watch Barry Lyndon on Blu-Ray. Well, also to play Uncharted 2, that game is awesome.

These are my new joints from my man Petkov in Vienna. No seams! I am going to call them the Barrys because they look like something BL would wear.

St00n