I'll be the first to admit that it was pretty hot when Will Smith slapped the shit out of Chris Rock but otherwise the Oscars are just boring nonsense.
Like the SOTU address, the Oscars are pageantry - designed by the people who receive the awards to make themselves feel good about what they do for a living.
And just to be clear: I get that awards given to marginalized creators are important for various reasons beyond just the representation element. But those awards are very rarely given when there isn't an uproar about all the straight, able white folks winning.
An exception to that, of course, is the insulting inspiration film. CODA wasn't a particularly special film on its own merits. But those same straight, able white folks absolutely love to see someone they pity fit into whatever they consider, "normal."
Black person succeeding during Jim Crow era, albeit doing so on racist terms? Queer person breaking down barriers in a phobic society, albeit doing so on prejudiced terms? Best picture.
Disabled person walking/hearing/seeing/etc. for the first time? Queue up the tears. (Yes, I know CODA wasn't about this.)
For all the complaining against Land Back - especially as it relates to Native Americans - we're probably not far away from an award for some movie about an indigenous person in some rural area winning over the locals and having a tiny portion of their tribe's land returned.
The Crow gatekeepers can kiss the fattest part of my ass. Here's a little post I wrote responding to the hate:
Oh man, I remember these feelings... back in 93. Being a fan of the comics I was stoked to hear about a Crow movie. Then slightly less stoked when I saw Brandon Lee in costume because he didn't look EXACTLY like the comic (my ideal Crow movie would be Goth/Punk Rock flavored early 80's period piece). Then I was BITTERLY disappointed by the anemic and compromised adaptation we got.
I would grow to enjoy the movie on it's own merits, but it will never be the Crow movie I want. I actually like this version's esthetic, it feels like the original comic filtered through this generation's view of what's cool. Just like Brandon Lee's version was the comic book filtered through grunge look. My point? Every piece of Crow media is someone's first and favorite version of The Crow. Let's not poop on it for them. The story itself is timeless, like Shakespeare, it should be told in a modern setting to keep it relevant. So that new people can be exposed to it.
Haha all my friends are screaming about Skaarsgard and Twigs in that movie even though none of us were alive when the comic book came out and the movie dropped when I was two! Like wtf are they even upset about?
I'd expect people your age to be upset. Respect, Calliander.
Anyway, if i was into dudes I think i'd probably find him hot.
So people are apparently upset about the appearance of the actor who plays Eric in the Crow remake.
I'd like to go on record as saying I don't mind how he looks. I feel like it's bringing a modern take to a (now) fairly old story. I actually think that guy's body is closer to the comic book character's body than the Brandon Lee version.
Just remember, folks:
The one thing Phil Connors did on that final Groundhog Day that he hadn't done on any of the others was to buy life insurance from Ned Ryerson.
So the moral of the story is to make sure you have a good life insurance policy. Bing!
A week or so ago, the Internets were in an uproar because of the news that Ben Affleck will be the next actor to don the Bat suit (albeit in the Superman sequel).
A few days ago, the useless spectacle known as the MTV VMAs happened and Miley Cyrus apparently shook her nonexistent ass - much to many peoples' horror.
As per usual, I was critical of the Internet's response to both incidents - and by "Internet" I mean Facebook since it's the dominant platform. My specific problems with the Internet, of late, have run fairly parallel:
- Re-sharing unfunny images/memes - like those "Some eCards" or the Joker meme.
- Sharing shock posts that a simple Snopes search would reveal to be fake.
- Posting links to Upworthy/Buzzfeed.
- Talking about inane things - such as who Taylor Swift broke up with or whatever.
- Linking to some group's rendition of a popular song on YouTube.
I made a mistake and decided to utilize the events in Egypt and Syria as a counterbalance when referencing the Affleck/Cyrus nonsense, figuring that these Facebook cretins wouldn't be able to connect to what I was saying without some sort of topical reference. What I should have done was simply stuck to my original intent, the heart of this web site, and (in honor of R. Kelly) done some real talk:
I'm trying to make you feel stupid for talking about the casting of a movie character or what some worthless entertainer did at a wholly pointless awards show performance.
Someone sent me the image I attached to this rant in response to my multiple bitch-fests, and it helped me to clarify my position. So I thank that person for helping me to state my position more clearly. I don't really care whether you feel bad about ignoring/glossing over the events in Syria/Egypt/wherever else. You're an idiot for caring about Ben Affleck as Batman, Miley Cyrus shaking her booty, and sharing those un-funny images/YouTube videos/Upworthy articles/hoaxes.
And that's what's important. If you happen to also feel bad as a result, all the better.
Dumbasses.
I saw Harry Potter again tonight.
Severus Snape is the shit and I'm still so happy that they did a good job with the scenes about him that are important. Man. This time I could hear the sniffles of people crying and some people who were trying to hide it. It was awesome.
That's all, really.
What's up?
I said, "What's up?"
Hey! Women be shoppin', baby. Women be shoppin'! You can't stop a woman from shoppin', baby!
See what we got in here tonight. Oh, my God! She's unbe-weave-able. Look at this. Look like a head full of curly fries. Hey, look at this white dude right here. "What is a weave exactly?" Huh? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! Baby, no! She got more extensions than AT&T!
Ooo-ooo-ooh! It's a full moon tonight! I think I found where they hid Jimmy Hoffa! You got more crack than Harlem. Look at that! Boy's so fat, every time he turns around, it's his birthday! Got to put his belt on with a boomerang! Va-va-va-va! Bang! Oh, look at this. He's with a woman too. Who is sucking whose titties over here? Last time this brother felt a breast, it was in a bucket of K.F.C! Extra crispy! Every time he goes to Sea World, they pay him! He must be on that new diet, Slim Slow. He go outside with a red shirt on, and all the kids in the neighborhood say, "Hey! Kool-Aid!" Yeah, man, I bet I cut his fat ass open, it'd bleed chocolate milk. What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Now we know what's eating Gilbert Grape, don't we?
First of all, I should preface this with where I stand on the illegal immigration issue; I'm of the opinion that there needs to be some control over it, the system is broken but it's the only one in place at the moment. If it is unfair to Mexicans, then they should do what every other immigrant group in America's history has done: the ones who are here already need to become active in their communities and government and change unfair policies from the inside. I'm sorry your country sucks, but it doesn't give you a right to break our laws. I understand the cartels have a stranglehold on the Mexican government. This is no different than any other migration in history. Mexicans are not the first immigrant group to experience this, they're just the latest. My ancestors had to leave Ireland because the English were going to sell them to the Dutch as military conscripts. Then they came to this country to be greeted by NINA signs at every job they tried to get. But they did not swim across the Atlantic Ocean and refuse to even attempt to gain citizenship through legitimate means.
Danny Trejo was the man and the action was balls out insane., but it was preachier than a Rage Against The Machine Album. Basically 10 minutes in I'm like "I get it, illegal Mexicans are all wonderful people and anyone who gives two shits about the boarder is a lousy racist. It's seriously that preachy. Spo and I were saying "Is it wrong that I want to vote for the corrupt senator?" It was like a collection of ass-kickery sandwiched between hamfisted attempts at social commentary. And let's just say that Jessica Alba's stirring speech isn't going to win her any Oscars. Robert Rodriguez generally is very conscious about the strengths and weaknesses of his actors and will use them to great affect, he even makes Lindsay Lohan watchable. But his attempt at letting Jessica Alba do some theatrical heavy lifting went beyond laughable, into me actually feeling bad for Ms. Alba. On the plus side Michelle Rodriguez has given me a fetish for chicks with eyepatches. Suffice it to say, I'm of a split mind on this movie.
If you hire Machete to take out the bad guy, make sure you aren't the bad guy.
Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.
Back in 1991 my dad and I sat down from a trip to Tommy K's to watch Troll 2. We were both pretty jazzed because Troll was pretty kick ass. We were then both mortified when we saw the sheer crapitude of Troll 2. Right then and there, we both knew that we had seen the worst movie we would ever see. Flash forward to today, Troll 2 has amassed a large internet following and even has conventions. It took almost 20 years but the rest of geekdom has caught up to the realization that my father and I reached. He'll get a chuckle out of this.
I just watched Leprechaun in Da Hood the other day. Leppy is indeed in the hood up to no good.
Why yes, yes, I think I will see this.
St00n
Yeah, I had a rock hard boner waiting for Avatar. I mean come on man... A sci-fi flick from Jim Cameron... we haven't seen that since T2. Even the Abyss, though not exactly kick ass action, was still a solid flick. I remember reading about this movie back before the www was around on Prodigy's movie BBS'. This was not the trailer I was waiting 14 years for. It looks like a really rad X-Box 360 game. I'm assuming there will be frag grenades and Recon armor, and Avatar Blue will be the latest flavor of Mountain Dew. I'm officially more jazzed about "Gamer" just so I can see Dexter make a bunch of convicts do a dance number. Fuck you Cameron.
but since some of you jackholes (there's my mandatory insult) aren't on facebook, I'll re-post here.
Aaron and I will celebrate our 2nd anniversary in just over two weeks. While I was going through some "mystery boxes" that haven't been moved from their corner since we moved into our home I just found the guest book from our wedding that most of the attendees signed. Ironically, this is the first time I've read it; after the wedding we were off to the honeymoon and almost immediately there after house hunting, buying and moving, so this little treasure was buried and forgotten (insert appropriate Lord of the Rings joke here but don't you dare call me Gollum).
I just spent the last half hour reading all of your thoughts from that special day for the first time and was nearly brought to tears. Your touching words of love and encouragement, and a beautiful dinosaur drawn by Caspian, mean so very much to me. I'm actually glad I didn't read this until now because at the time, the days where whirring by in a blur but today I had a chance to really read and appreciate your thoughts and wishes.
We love you all very much and I am so glad that I now have an additional memento of your part in our day.
Love Jocelyn
Nah, but really - the movie would have been fucking retarded (sort of cool, but fucking retarded) if it was just Donnie Donnowitz beating the shit out of Nazis with a baseball bat.
How much cool shit was there in this movie?
- Hans Landa was an incredible, awesome movie villain. The part at the beginning was set up really well, that first scene with Shoshanna running off was vivid and memorable, him strangling you know who was nuts. The scene with Hans and Shoshanna eating Strudel?
- the whole set up with Archie Hicox and them drinking in the German tavern? That was great too...nice slow build up until the crazy conclusion of that scene.
- I really liked the way the movie switched paces (hallmark of Tarantino) - humor, violence, drama, long drawn out diologue, psychotic bursts of violence - it was all there.
- the Shoshanna/projectionist/Zoller triangle was interesting, Shoshanna was cute, plus it showed that the Nazis are all dirty rapists at heart.
- I don't want to ruin a lot of the other good stuff.
Anyways, it's Tarantino, dude, it's not Bullet in the Head, a straight up action movie - I like that shit too - but it's the full experience, the build up and the pay-off. Cradle the balls (pacing that gives the actors time to develop their characters), stroke the shaft (film technique/creative shooting and editing) , work the pipe (rich and unique dialogue), swallow the gravy (grindhouse-sensibility crazy violent/funny payoff). You need all 4!
St00n
