To piggyback off my previous post, if I'm a partisan about anything it's being against dumb, cloying arguments. I'm definitely a leftie, so don't think I'm going to be yelling about Brandon or something but folks on the right don't hold exclusive rights to "click bait" politics.

Enter Rex Huppke. I had no idea who he was until his op-ed pieces began appearing in USA Today. Lame, vanilla USA Today signed him on in May (along with, I believe, someone his opposite) and suddenly I couldn't get his bylines off my screen.

  • Either believe Jan. 6 committee testimony or welcome President Oprah and Vice President AOC

  • After SCOTUS abortion ruling, Democrats must meet Republicans in the Middle ... Ages

  • Can Thor's naked butt unite a divided America? Yes. Yes it can.

  • Confused by abortion laws, anxious about intimacy? The answer is clear: We must ban sex.

  • Is 'wokeness' responsible for US and European heat waves? Absolutely.

  • Fly DeSantis Airways, America's No. 1 airline for exploited migrants!

  • Kanye West, Tommy Tuberville and the antisemitic, racist, no good, very bad weekend

  • I have already won Wednesday night's Powerball jackpot. Anyone who disagrees will be sued.

  • Noted political loser Donald Trump announces plan to lose presidential race again

I could go on, but with a few exceptions, all his pieces are junk like this: Smarmy, pseudo-humorous pablum for equally bland people to share via email like it's 1998 or something. Those exceptions I mentioned? A few "normal" story titles which are sometimes shown without any indication that he's the author. But the content is always the same. Huppke makes asinine remarks, striving to pass them off as bemused observations from a disaffected centrist, even though it's clear he's a liberal.

I recognize his bullshit from even a passing glance because it's nearly the exact same style of writing I used to employ. I felt a certain way, but was too cowardly to actually espouse my real views. So I couched them in attempted humor, hoping that a jocular approach might make such opinions more palatable to others.

Nowadays, of course, I don't give a fuck.

So, despite utilizing the very tactic I'm describing when writing the title of this post, let me be extremely clear:

Rex Huppke is a hack, a lousy writer, and should not have his garbarge opinion pieces in any publication.

With any luck, my dreams will come true. Stay tuned for my next post in this series: I Hope USA Today's Ingrid Jacques Receives Electric Shocks From Everything She Touches All Year Round.